Monday, January 30, 2006
Doesn't make sense to me...

I went to the movies with my boyfriend and a few of his friends on Saturday. Now this isn't a real out of the ordinary experience. The only thing that stands out in this outing was his friend *P and his girlfriend. I know I am such a bad person cause I didn't even catch her name. Maybe it is because I lost respect for her to some degree. Don't ya'll look at the screen side-ways, she has no respect for herself, in my opinion.

While we were going into the movie theater he panicked. At first I didn't understand what happened. But the girlfriend said "oh we can't go in right now because some people from his Kingdom Hall are there and they don't like me with him." I looked at them like they were crazy. *P runs into a store to get a hat and she runs in with him. Now if they were like sixteen or something and they were only together for a few weeks then I would have offered some kind of help with the situation. But I noticed the big ass rock on her hand. They were engaged! Now I am not hating at all I think it is nice when people find someone that they want to be with for the rest of their lives early. But obviously something wasn't right, they are ducking and dodging people they know. I mean it is a mixed relationship but that wasn't the problem.

My issue is that to me it seemed that she was used to that shit! I would have lost my damn mind. I will not duck and dodge a damn body if we are to be married...Wait I won't do that even if we are just sleeping with each other. I lost respect for her because I was more offended than she was. But because that was the only time I had met her I couldn't tell her to man up and stand up for her damn self. See my father is a Jehovah's Witness so I know that they aren't supposed to date or marry anyone out of the faith. Probably why they try to recruit so many people, even up the dating odds. But they are engaged now he should stand up to them and say that this is the woman he loves, will bear his children, and take care of him when he is sick. Will they do any of that?

I don't understand why she deals with that madness. I mean my great grandmother had her children by a Jewish man. And he was married to a Jewish woman but he lived with my great grand mother and had 14 kids with her. He couldn't marry my grand mother whom he loved and obviously preferred because I guess his people didn't like that idea. So he lived a lie, had one child with his "wife" and didn't touch her again for the rest of her life. I have some aunts who tell us younger kids this story and feel that we should be honored that our great grand mother did this. Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate it so much because without her, I would not be here but still. I would have wanted the respect. My great grandmother remarried after he died but it wasn't the point. He was like 20 years older than my granny. How do your live you whole life that way? How do you walk the streets knowing that you can't tell anyone who put that smile on your face that morning? Or when something happens to him you can't even get to him in the hospital, you have to wait until he gets home. Or even worse everything that you helped him work for is snatched from you and given to someone else because he forgot to put things in your name before he died.

Now I am not saying that in their situation, it will get that bad but damn it. Having to duck and hide when he says "oh shit" or having to dye your hair every three weeks so they don't catch on is ridiculous. All I can say to her is I feel bad, and how can you wear that ring with so much pride knowing that around his people you have to turn it around?
posted by JamaicanQueen at 11:06 AM | Permalink | 3 comments
Friday, January 27, 2006
Stolen from Michelle

Four jobs you've had in your life
Home aide for people with CP

Four places you've lived
Brooklyn, NY
Westbury, NY
St. Anne, Jamaica
I break down the sections of Brookln...

Four TV shows you love to watch
All of the Star Trek spin-offs
I don't really watch TV much, never really home

Four places you've been on vacation
Missisauga, Canada
Anne Arundel, MD
Eutawville, SC
Home..can't afford to go far.

Four blogs you visit daily
Check my list

Four of your favorite foods
Curry anything
curried seafood

Four places you'd rather be
Somewhere warm
Home where it is warm
With my *Beloved....Where it is warm

Four albums you can't live with out
Don't really know might have to edit this one when I go home and check to see what it is that I listen to.

Four vehicles you've owned
Does a bicycle
Then does mass transit count?
How about "ten-toe turbo"?

Four people to be tagged
Whoever wants to follow suit
posted by JamaicanQueen at 3:16 PM | Permalink | 2 comments
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Love isn't followed by a fist.....

Today is my late day (yeah I get to sleep a whole hour later) but for some reason I just couldn't get up so I got up a bit later than normal. On my bus today there was a couple arguing and normally I would have just ignored it but some of what was said reminded me of my past life, the life I had with my son's father. He was talking to the female he was with very low but there was such venom in his voice. No one who was just sitting there would have paid it any mind, but as some one who was in an abusive relationship for ten years I heard it and it reminded me of my years in fear. I looked at her and I saw the same fear that must have lived in my eyes when you are trying to smile for the outside world and the inside of you is screaming for help. He told her to get of the bus, and she got off at the same stop I did when I take my son to school. I got *Prince inside of the building and came back out. He was still yelling at her but now he was loud and she was visibly cowering. I guess she wasn't giving him the correct answer and he started to whip he ass.

I remember those days. Getting beat on because hell what I was told was my disrespectful behavior. I thought about how many people probably heard my screams and saw the bruises and never even thought to help me. Then I thought how at least my ex never hit me in the street. Then realized I wasn't any better than she. I ran up to her to help her and pull her off of him. Then man look shocked and then tried to hit me. That's when another man pulled him off of me. I ran over to the female. Her mouth and her nose were bleeding and the right side of her face was swollen. And all I could think was "GOD, this was me." I asked her if she wanted help and if she wanted to go to the police station, I would go with her and hold her hand if she needed. She smiled at me, and said that she was alright. Pulled tissue out her pocket wiped her face and walked over to her man who now sported a busted lip and said for them to go home.

I was completely floored. I couldn't understand why? I would have grabbed the hand that offered help and ran with them. I would sang hymns as I was rescued. But then I realized why she didn't go with me or anyone who may or may not have offered help. She still loved him more than she loved herself. During the height of my relationship with my son's father I felt the same way. My physical abuse didn't start til after my son was born. Looking back the mental abuse was there but I never really paid it any mind. I figured that as long as I only dealt with him when I wanted then it wouldn't matter. I was wrong. The mental abuse wears you down and primes you for the physical.

Hopefully one day she'll wake up and realize that she deserves better. That she is worth more than a punching bag that he can't love her and break her ribs. That even though I don't know her I loved her enough to take a few hits for her to get her away from him.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 9:22 AM | Permalink | 6 comments
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
A little seriousness today

This weekend there was a funeral for a little girl named Nixzmary Brown. She died at the hands of her step-father and mother. The girl was 7 years old and weighed 36 pounds. She was beat and starved to death not to mention sexually abused. My issue isn't with her parents, the people in the world who should have protected her from the violence in the streets but only brought it to her, my issue is with everyone also who failed her.

Her mother said that she couldn't stop her husband from beating Nixzmary because she had a miscarriage in November. This is the saddest thing I have every heard in my damn life. I would understand if he abused the girl while the mother was in the hospital and then when she came home she beat the hell out of him. But she did nothing. The step-father said he beat her because she was wild, she would run around screaming and she had the NERVE to eat his yogurt.

My real problem is with her neighbors. Where were they while she was screaming for help and crying. Where was ACS when the school called and said she was bruised. The school did its job by reporting her little "accidents". Where were her siblings, some of which were older than her, they knew something wasn't right. I know all kids get their siblings in trouble but to the extent of seeing the other tied to a chair and punched? What was going on here?

Where was this grand mother who buried her this weekend? She claims that she loved her and she was her favorite, because she was such an angel, well where were you while she was being abused? Why did you not hear her screams of anguish?

This post is not to belittle the little girls memory. It was because I who has no relation to the little girl other than I was a little girl, had questions that one can or could answer. My heart aches for the little girl who will never know her first kiss, first real boyfriend or even her first real heartbreak. My heart aches because she will never have a prom, a wedding, or stay out past curfew. She will never get a chance to do the stupid things that everyone else got to do as a teen. All because she ate a fucking yogurt....

I am so sorry ya'll, I can't even finish this post.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 8:38 AM | Permalink | 4 comments
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
I damn near got fired reading this...

I nearly got fired reading this shit at work. See this is why you can not read Hot Ghetto Mess at your place of employment.

I aint never seen a black dude with so much asscrack hair. It looks like a mohawk. It's crinkly and wiry and glassy black colored. UGH.
I knew as soon as he got on top of me and sank his 9 incher into my puzzy. I ran my hands up and down his back and when I went low I thought I was touching the arm of my coat because it's that faux fur. No it was his booty crack hair! it actually comes out of the crack by three inches. he needs a brazilian wax no doubt!
I asked him what the deal was on that ass-fro and he said he been having it since he was 13 years old! ok he is now 23. I get sick thinking about it.
Well he'll never get this again. His butt looks too nasty and I think it stinks a lot because I keep smelling a booty smell. Yall know that hair holds funk. think of taking a big dump, wiping and just smearing that shit all in that hair like that? dingle berries, booty hair coated in dookey UGH. So after he shits he may as well just get in the shower cuz um his booty don't look or smell right afterwards. Oh and his boxers had streaks of brown in it too. How do you get doodoo stains on boxers?!!
I even offered to pay to get his crack waxed but he said no that only fags do shit like that. I wouldn't give no damn. it looks and smells nasty.
So you see i can't f*ck with him. He's nice, treats me nice and all, nice built and very cute but and I cant believe Im saying this that still ain't good enough. Drowning your privates in Issey Miyake ain't working either.
I just needed to get this out in the open. my friends and cousins think he is a good catch and he is but not my good catch. his bootycrack hair stinks and it's too wild and he refuses to wax or even trim it. he even told me that i am the only girl who has ever complained and that one girl offered to lick it! UGH. well that is all fine and dandy but i ain't having it.
now I have to tell my friends why i can't f*ck with him anymore. they are going to LTAO.

What kind of shit is that? An ass-fro? Good googa-mooga!!!! *DEAD!!!!!!*
posted by JamaicanQueen at 6:38 PM | Permalink | 9 comments
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
New day, New Year...

It is a new year and I haven't posted since like last year. My last post was a little sad because I was dealing with how I felt my life was going. I felt like things weren't going right for me and my efforts weren't being good enough. You guys have given me the written kick in the ass I needed, THANK YOU. I thank all of my regular readers and the new ones I have.

With that said I am back and hopefully acting more to the status my royal chosen name deserves. I am not saying that I will not feel this way about something else but I do know that you will tell me not what I need to hear but what I should already know. I have started my new term and I am damn near singing in the streets because I only have two more terms to go and I will have my degree. I am so proud of me. I didn't think I could do it but damn I am doing the damn thing and I kicking ass while doing it.

Life with Beloved is fine. As far as I know our relationship is coming along. People we know at our old job keep saying that we are getting married, that is a rumor started up by *V. I swear I am gonna bust her up. I keep getting people who want to be apart of my wedding. They have got to be kidding. I have three sister and if I had a wedding my sisters would be my bridesmaids. Well maybe not all of them my middle sister *C and I aren't that close. And besides I might have other family members I might want instead....wait we aren't getting married why am I on this track?

*Prince is proving to be a regular hellion. Today he made his father and I argue because he told his father that I threw out his hat. I told *DAMMITMAN that I did not. Why the hell would I do that? It was keeping him warm, I'm not that damn crazy. So *DAMMITMAN says to me then what happened to them like I should damn know. First of all I tell him and *Prince to make sure *Prince's things are put away. I don't have the time to look for anything nor will I try to. I have enough on my plate than to worry about where things are. This is not the answer he wanted to hear. So then he goes in to where were his sneakers that he can't fit anymore. I told him I don't know nor do I care where they are as long as they don't wind up on his feet. This makes him madder and he decides he wants to start yelling...did I mention that we are at the bus stop. Thankfully I am at the bus stop before the sun comes up and so there are only like maybe 4 people out there. It wasn't even funny I so told him to stop talking to me because I had nothing to say to him. I guess this pissed him off because if looks could kill then I would be dead now. He stormed off and walked to work. My son hurt me so bad to think he would lie to his father about something I didn't do. I am starting to expect that his father will do evil shit to me but my own son...something I created. I never thought it. I was so hurt by the little stunt my son pulled I couldn't even look at him cause I knew if I did I would probably want to choke-slam his ass. I simply and calmly took him to school and went to my classes.

*DAMMITMAN has been showing his natural ass. The other day he decides he wants to take my child over to some female's house. This female happens to be one of the female's he was fucking while I was pregnant. *I didn't know he was doing this until much when the bitch showed up to my door figuring she had it like that, that was a fight and another story.* I simply asked him to bring my child home because I wasn't comfortable with it. And if the whole things was so damn innocent why didn't he call me or text me and tell me that he was going and taking *Prince. This resulted in him calling me all types of bitches and hoes, still I remained calm and asked him to bring back my child or it would be war. He still insisted on the cursing and yelling so I simply asked again if he wanted war, he hung up the phone on me and I saw this as an act of war. So now that man can't even talk to me with out me taking offense. I don't want to even hear him call my name, the only thing he can say to me would be any and all things about my son. Other than that I don't want to hear it nor do I care.

On the job front, they are trying to kill me. These people done cut my hours. I am so gonna have to get another job. I can't afford to stay here for what they are paying and the fewer hours I am now getting. So if anyone know anywhere hiring...let me know. This sucks. I know I was rich in a past life, because I am too unhappy being poor. And if I was poor before then you would think I would be used to it by now.
Not much going on in my life other than that. I'll try not to commit murder and stay in GOD's good graces.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 6:00 PM | Permalink | 1 comments
Monday, January 09, 2006
I'm not logical.....
Your IQ Is 95

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Average

Your General Knowledge is Exceptional
A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Oh well. I better at other stuff anyway.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 10:12 AM | Permalink | 1 comments