Tuesday, February 28, 2006
NO Fear or KNOW Fear...


Yesterday I got to work early so I could be the good little worker and show my reliability. OK who am I kidding I got there early so I could start early and try to make that extra cash! I need it man! And I get on the elevator and the shit gets stuck. Now in this situation you have two choices of what to do. One can (a) ring the alarm and patiently wait for someone to get him or her and think pleasant thoughts. Or (b) press all the buttons, ring the alarm, scream, cry and huddle into a corner and try not to pass out. While you swear the walls are closing in on you. Now I would love to say that I was the cool, calm and collected person on the elevator but I was not. I freaked out and damn near broke off all my nails trying to claw my way out of the little metal box. And that shit hurt because these ain't Lee Press Ons. I grew these babies out from scratch without the help of acrylic. Now I was in there for a good half hour before they finally got me out and when they did I damn near broke my neck trying to climb through the little hole they opened up for me. Needless to say I was taken to the doctor and sent home.

Now as I am telling *Beloved what has happened to me, he asks me why didn't I just calm down and relax. I damn near cussed his ass out when I realized that I love this man and currently he is my "dick dealer" and I would hate to have to give that up. So instead I asked him what he meant by calm down? I am damn claustrophobic and he tells me that I should have calmed down. I don't think that was going to work. See I have many fears and he tells me I should just get over them. Like I know I have a fear of rodents. Now some people would say that this is normal, that a lot of women are scared of mice, well for me it is not just mice. It includes; rats, mice, squirrels, hamsters, guinea pigs, rabbits, and the occasional kangaroo! Yes I said kangaroo--they are hopping rats with passports! Now I know why I am scared of them, my uncle finally told me a little while ago that when I was little he used to throw me in the closet and throw a few of his hamsters in there with me. Did I mention that he would lock me in? So yes ya'll the Queen has issues. But I think I live a regular and normal life providing you don't try to bring any of the afore mentioned animals near me, I won't have to beat you within an inch of your life. I see that as a win-win situation. Now here comes *Beloved trying to fuck with my fears. Now I know he means well but unfortunately he has no idea of how I feel. See he has no fears that he is aware of. He said that he did and one day he got tired of being scared but I told him that he wasn't really scared then. He simply didn't like it. It is easier to get over some thing you don't like than it is to get over something you are scared of.

The funny thing is I am not scared of things that I can't help. Like I have no fear of death. Don't get me wrong I love life and living but I know that I have to go at some time and being scared isn't gonna stop it. I remember a saying that went something like "Only a fool and a mad man is scared of nothing". Well I must be very sane and wise.
 
posted by JamaicanQueen at 8:27 AM | Permalink | 4 comments
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
I am a happy nappy....

Now for those of you that don't know I wear my hair in locs. I have had my locs for about two years now. And in that time my hair has grown down to about shoulder length. I am very proud of my natural hair and I actually can't wait til it gets longer even though I haven't had hair this long since I was a sophomore in high school.

Now the purpose for this entry is I was told I would be so much prettier if I just combed my hair. See I was at work today and I usually get people who want to tell me the randomness that crosses their minds about me and most of the time I ignore it and keep on going because well damn it the person caught me at work. And hell my job may suck and they under pay me for what they expect me to do but it is mine and they give me a check. Now as I was helping this little old man to find a bible. And after I handed him the book he looks at me and says that I am very pretty but I could improve my looks by combing my hair!!! I damn near pissed myself because one I wanted to know who let him even imagine that I would care what the hell his old ass thought about me and my hair.

It took all of me not to just cuss his old ass out for his damn input. I simply shook out my knotty and told him that I can't "comb" my hair and even if I could I wouldn't. Then I smiled politely and walked off with all the control I could muster not to slap the old off his face. I think I did rather well for my normal temperament.
 
posted by JamaicanQueen at 5:27 PM | Permalink | 5 comments
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
The claw end of a hammer....

The other day I was talking to a girl in my class who was having problems with her man. Not that the problems were actually with her man, they were actually with her "friend". Now her friend knows how long she and her man have been together and how hard they had to work to be together and all. So her friend is basically being a pain in the ass and getting into their relationship. At first it was little things like her friend would offer advice and the such. Now if you ask me and I am sure that some of you will say that no one is, I wouldn't get that personal with anyone. I try not to tell my friends or family anything to deep with the person I am dating because while I may forgive the person I am dating, they may not. Not to mention that most women have a "friend" who would sleep with your man given the chance and the fifteen minutes.

Now my usual response to a person who wants to interfere in my relationship is that I will hit that person in the throat with the claw end of a hammer. Yes, ya'll I said it the claw end of a hammer. See some people think that I say this because I am loathe to give up the sex with my *Beloved. Now this is also true but it is more than that. At least to me it is. I would want to beat the person within an inch of my life because I just have that bond with him as a person. I would hate to think that I now have to give up one of the closest people I have had in my life in a longtime because someone wanted to just be the pimple on the ass of my relationship.

But back to my classmate; she was going on about how much she loves her man and how she has been with him for how many years and to think that he would sleep with her friend and disrespect her like that. So now she feels that not only has she lost a lover but two friends on top of that. This so-called friend and she have been friends since they were kids. All I could do was feel bad for her. Now if anything I can't say that this is not partially her fault. This woman will tell anyone who will listen about how good her man is to her in the bed and out of it. To me that is like just inviting someone into your shit. Some women take this as an invitation to see if your man will treat them as good as he treats you.

This is so not the case with me. I am quick to tell people who ask me that the only reason I am with *Beloved is because he is such a horrible person and I am saving other women from themselves and completing my debt to society. I know it is bad to make others think that he is bad to me but all you really have to do to see if I am happy with him is look at how I am when we are together and when I am without him. When I am with him I get stars in my eyes and everything, it is great. But I refuse to tell any nosy heifer that he is the sugar in my tea.

I guess I shall have to pull her aside when she figures out what she is gonna do about her situation. And tell her that she runs her damn mouth too much. I have no idea how long it will take though. She has to figure out who she is willing to give up. A friend who will fuck your man as long as he is yours but can hook up her hair or a man who will fuck your friends as long as they offer but he treats you really "nice". Personally, I would beat both their asses to the white meat and then ditch them both!!!
 
posted by JamaicanQueen at 7:12 AM | Permalink | 4 comments
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Black is not an insult....

I went to the supermarket by my house and as bootleg as it is, it doesn't stop me from going to it. Someone really needs to report it to the board of health or something for real!! But anyway in the city we had over 2 feet of snow fall so kids were playing in the snow, not that schools were closed because in NYC the snow has to damn near block the front door of a second floor building before they will close schools. And I heard one of the kids who was throwing the white crap around call another a black dirty wannabe African. What kind of shit is this? Have we lost all pride in being even called African. And when did being black become an insult. What is even worse is the boy who said this madness was so black he was damn near blue. People don't get me wrong, I love dark men. I do. I had my son with the darkest man I could find just because I thought that my son would have that same rich color. Only to have me surprised when my son came out lighter than me. Now don't get me wrong that wasn't the only reason why I had my son with his father, but that is what attracted me to him. And also don't get me wrong because I am dating a guy who happens to be the color of cooked carmel. But that is another discussion all together. That little boy needs some pride in who he is and who his people were. That and a damn beating. He nearly hit me with snow.
 
posted by JamaicanQueen at 8:54 AM | Permalink | 4 comments
Friday, February 10, 2006
It is a sign of wealth...

I was minding my own business on the bus after I dropped of my son at school, the bus was crowded so I know that sometimes people lean on you or sometime even push past you. This didn't bother me. Hell I have even excused to rare and occasional erection on my hip from a man who seems embarrassed about it. But today during my bus ride this guy gets on the bus and rests his bag on my ass. Yes you read right cause I couldn't believe it either. Now I have been told I have a big ass and hell I have actually come to embrace the fact that it is there. But damn if I knew it looked like a table. He actually set his bag in the dip in my back. And had the nerve to be upset with me when I pulled my ass from underneath his bag, cause now he had to pick his bag up off the floor. This man had the nerve like he just knew that my ass was meant to be his resting spot for his bag.

Now *Beloved has told me I have a big butt. At first I thought this was him joking but the more he says it, the more I have to believe. I mean I never thought of my butt being big when I compare mine to my relatives. If you were stranded on a deserted island, you wouldn't starve to death you would live for weeks with what they carry around. And now since dealing with him he says that my ass is spreading. Like I need more ass!!!!! I really don't. And the thing about it is even if I lost weight I would still have this huge ass. The women in my family just grow asses like the want to have a monopoly on it. Like they feel that no one outside of us should have any rights to one. And if you manage to grow one that measured to their epic proportions then you will have to be adopted by one of us.

but back to the strange guy. He actually acted like it was my fault. He had an attitude and everything. I was shocked that it didn't occur to me that I should have slapped the hell out of him until after I got off the bus. I do know one thing though if he tries that shit again there will be trouble.
 
posted by JamaicanQueen at 11:43 AM | Permalink | 3 comments
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Valentine's Day...

Well ya'll Valentine's Day is coming up next week Tuesday and for the first time in a very long time I am so damn excited. Well I am excited for that and because *Beloved and I have a anniversary comming up after that. I think he did that on purpose. The damn man is keeping me broke for three months straight. In December there is Christmas, January is his birthday and in February we have Valentine's Day and our anniversary. We will have been together for a year.

For Valentine's Day I got him a DVD player, he's a guy and he likes electronics like that. For our anniversary I ordered some stuff from Frederick's of Hollywood. I hope he likes it. I mean I couldn't get what I wanted to order because it was on back order until like April. I am so mad at them. I get the magazine late and then everything I wanted was on back order. Damn their eyes!!!!
I would show you guys what I order but he reads this blog. I don't mind but I want to surprise him.
 
posted by JamaicanQueen at 2:44 PM | Permalink | 2 comments
Friday, February 03, 2006
No competition....

I started school last April for my associates. When we started there were other girls in class that would be in my major until we completed the courses. In the first term we had fun and we helped each other out with classwork and homework. Hell we even got so thick that when one was hungry all chipped in and made sure that no one was unfed.

Now for the second the term I didn't see them as much because I had to keep the original schedule for my job and now the classes were set up for the morning. I didn't mind much I would see them but something was off...I couldn't put my finger on it. But when I would see the girls from the group they would act differently.

Now the ones who haven't failed are in my classes again. I got a chance to switch to the day classes now. And they act as if they don't see me. This is such a shock to me because I thought we were cool peoples. I thought we were gonna do this together. I thought wrong. The same females who asked me to do their classwork and homework and put as much love into theirs as I do my own walk past me in the halls. I would collect their work in classes we had and I would even take notes and make outlines for them to do the work. And now they act as if I am a complete stranger. These same females who weren't and aren't working asked me to help them find jobs; I did while I was at my job. But they didn't want the jobs I would find because they are only paying nine an hour. *but they live at home with their parents so I don't see the big deal. and most don't have kids*

You know what I say??? FUCK THEM!!! I did favors for them not the other way around. And they are failing damn near all of their classes. I can't help but think good! Because come September they won't be competition for in the job market because they will still be in school!
 
posted by JamaicanQueen at 2:04 PM | Permalink | 5 comments