Friday, June 30, 2006
Catching up....
Whoo...I gotta dust in here. I haven't been here in a minute now. But how ya'll doing? How ya'll mommma's doing? Enough about ya'll this is my blog...

I finished another term and I am now three months closer to getting my degree. I am so excited. I also got my grades, I got four As and a B+. I was surprised at the B+ not because I didn't deserve it but because I actually thought I was gonna get lower than that.

My son left last night to go to South Carolina with his grandmother. I swear that little boy can travel. He has been to more countries and states in his little life than the average broke person can afford to go to. Every time his grandmother leaves the state she takes him with her. And damn if I don't trip over myself to pack his bags. The only problem is now that my son is gone his father didn't even wait for his to be fully gone before he was asking "If I had some time for him or If I had something for him". I swear he just knows how to fuck a good thing like us not talking. This trifling male will refuse to speak to me, tell me about his fuck-scapades, and all but he will come to me and ask for ass. I can't stand him.

*Beloved and I are trying to work things out. He and I have discussed his reasons for the break (he says that I took it wrong, I say whatever). As of right now we are together but I still don't completely feel the same about him as I did before. Not that I don't care for him but I guess it is that I don't trust him completely. He knows this as I have told him. He says that he is gonna try to fix it so we'll see.

I have accepted that I will have to work for free with the damn internship. I don't want to but I have no other choice as didn't find another job that would qualify for me to not have to be an intern. Some people might like the idea of working for free but I don't. I want to be paid for my services because the company is gonna work me like a dog anyway. So why not let everyone get something out of this arrangement.

Gotta go. Ya'll know I do my blogging from work.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 1:38 PM | Permalink | 5 comments
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Needing a job....
For the school I am in, the last quarter you attend you need to take an internship or have a job in your related field. Well as my job is not I have to take the internship. I, however, am loathe to do that. I have no immediate desire to work for free. I would rather work in two places than to work for free for anyone.

I went on two interviews today. One outside of my job which turned out to be a temp agency. I swear those little fuckers are getting tricky. Now they don't even tell you that it is an agency until you get there and you realize that you are filling out an application and they hand you a damn "packet". I asked the guy who called me *RJ what the position was for and he told me Junior Admin, he didn't tell me through and agency. Damn his eyes! I was told that I was liked but don't they tell everyone that. Hell if you go into a temp agency and you tell them that all you know is your alphabet they will still find you a job. So why the hell can't they find me one. Yes I know that I am picky. Because I have a job already I refuse to leave it for a one day assignment. I prefer the temp to perm assignments or the permanent ones.

The second interview was a for a different position in my current job. It is for a Senior Admin. in the bugdeting department. I was told that the interview went rather well and that she the lady who did the first interview would tell the second person to interview today about me. *eyes rolling* I have been told this madness before and still did not get the position because of fucking office politics and the such.

Then I get back to my desk and all my shit is removed from it. At first I damn near passed out, because all I could think was "OH SHIT WAS I FIRED AND NO ONE TOLD ME?? Hell the bastard could have at least told me before I got to work or told me yesterday so I wouldn't have wasted the train fare!!! WHY ME LORD??!???!?!?!?" But it turned out that to add insult to injury of not giving me a position that I will have to train a motherfucker in, the new person is being given my cubicle. I was fit to be tied the whole damn day. I mean shit they saw me come in today, they could have just asked me to move my shit, hell they could have let me know that they wanted my damn cubicle. I know company policy but all I ask is that I be given one as replacement before you kick me out of my shit? Don't have me thinking that I got fired. I mean damn do I ask for much.

On the lighter side of my life I finally got my raise on my check. Now all I have to do is wait for the back pay and all will be good. After I pay all the people I have robbed tomorrow, I will have exactly $33 left for myself for the next 2 weeks before I have to pay off more people I rob on a daily basis.

But back to my original rant, if you are reading this blog, leave a note telling of where some one is hiring. I could really use it. I'm a good worker. I am not promising that I won't cuss out the manager if he or she proves to be a butt munch but I will promise not to do it to his or her face! *BIG GRINS*
posted by JamaicanQueen at 6:02 PM | Permalink | 3 comments
Monday, June 19, 2006
Voodoo Dick....

There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except.... and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yeah, right.. Voodoo dick, my ass!"
posted by JamaicanQueen at 6:10 PM | Permalink | 3 comments
Embarrassing Moments...

Now the following did not happen to me. I would admit if my ass did something this embarrassing because as ya'll know, you guys are all up in my business anyway. But here it goes.

This one actually happened at Harvard University in October of this year in a biology class; the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked, 'If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose in male semen as in sugar?' 'That's correct,' responded the professor, going
on to add statistical information. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, 'Then why doesn't it taste sweet?' After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books with out a word and walked out of class...and
never returned. However, as she was going out the door, the Professor's reply was classic... Totally straight-faced he answered her question, 'It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat.

While in line at the bank one afternoon, this lady's toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. She was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. The lady told her daughter that if she did not start behaving 'right now,' she would be punished. To the lady's horror, the little girl looked her in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! The lady mustered up the last of her dignity and walked out of the bank with her daughter in tow. The last thing she heard when the door closed behind her were screams of laughter.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 6:05 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
How to love your Jamaican man...
It is a good thing I don't have a Jamaican man. Good grief, if this is the only way I can show him I love him then I don't want him. For those who don't speak or can't read patois, I shall translate.

1. Never ask where yu man has been, where him coming from or where him going Don't always feel him going to another woman. If yu treated him right he will soon come back. If him don't come back, well you have to work pon dat!
Never ask where your man has been, where he is coming from or where he is going. Don't always thinks he is going to another woman. If you treat him right he will come back. If he doesn't, well you have to work on that. I wish his ass would just up and disappear and not let me know where the hell is going or where he has been! There would be some furniture moving!!!

2. Always make sure de food deh pon de table when him come thru de door. Member, "regular fried dumpling keeps your man a humping".
Always make sure that dinner is on the table when he comes home. Remember, a regular fed man gives better sex. I will only cook if his ass deserves it. I have no problem with making food for me and my son and making sure not even the garbage gets something.

3. Don't forget the "Irish Moss" and "Guinness". A nuff ah dem like pork, but just don't call it pork ... yu mad! Call it a fancy foreign name like ham or franks! Ah it dem mother did grow dem up pon.
Don't forget the "Irish Moss" and "Guinness". And alot of them like port, but don't call it that. Call it a fancy name like ham or hot dog. It is the samething their mother's fed them as children. Irish Moss is some nasty stuff!! It is like it slides down your throat on its own. And plenty of Jamaican men will "thump" you down in the street if you feed them pork. I wouldn't advise this one.

4. Never get upset if he accidentally sleeps with yuh friend, sister, or even mother. That only means he is a good man, dem would have never slept with him if him was worthless! Is dem fault fi a pressure him!
Don't get upset if he accidentally sleeps with your friend, sister, or even mother. That only means he is a good man, they wouldn't have slept with him if he was worthless. It is their fault that they pressured him.
I wish a motherfucka would!!!! I am gonna leave it like that! This shit deserves an ass whipping but that is just my opinion.

5. Never tell yuh man seh yu pregnant - well, not til yuh hide him passport!
Never tell your man that you are pregnant-at least not until you hide his passport! Alright I agree with this one. Just to make sure that he doesn't get away, and if in the States, get his social.

6. Never ask how many baby mother yuh man have. Dis may lead to embarrassment because him may have lost count.
Never ask how many baby mothers he has. This may lead to embarrassment because he may not remember anymore. I would have to ask cause I refuse to beome baby moddah number 15.

7. If him grab yuh up! Tell him that's not how to show love, some think that is the way but don't call de police. It don't mek no sense, because you always end up bailing him out of jail.
If he yokes you up, tell him that's not how to show love, some think that is the way but don't call the police. It doesn't make sense because you will always end up bailing him out of jail. He put his hands on me, he might need to call the police on me. I took enough licks and kicks in my life, if a man gets to close to me I think he trying to make moves!

8. Never tell yuh man is not your real hair! Dem love long hair gal. Keep telling him dat you're half-Chinese or yu have Indjun in yuh family.
Never tell your man that your hair is not really yours. They long women with long hair. Keep telling him you're half-Chinese or that you have Indian in your family. That would so not work with my full head of natty dreads!!!

9. Don't listen to your girlfriends advice, especially if dem don't have no man. How can someone with no man tell you how to keep one. Dem always telling you that 'him controlling yu'. She just want someone to keep her company because she have no man. Some of dem even have funny intentions.
Don't listen to your girlfriends' advice, expecially if they don't have a man of their own. How can someone with no man tell you how to keep one? She just wants you to lose your man so you can be miserable with her. I can see where this one might make some sense.

10. Never ask to drive your man's car, or give him directions, or tell him to ask for directions when he is lost. Him soon find him way! Grin and bear it.
Never ask to drive your man's car, or try to give him directions, or tell him to ask for them when he is lost. He will find his way. Grin and bear it. Well if he wants to get himself lost, I will carry myself off to the correct location. I refuse to wander around if I know where I am going just to appease anyone's sense of pride.

11. Never ask for your man's home number and address ... some ladies get this strange idea after seeing their man fe three years and having several children for him that this somehow entitles dem to dis privileged information. Be realistic! The relationship is still in its early stages. However, your man might feel generous and offer up his cell phone or pager digits. Be grateful!!!
Never ask for your man's home number and address...some ladies get this strange idea that after seeing their man for three years and having several children for him that this somehow entitles them to this information. Be realistic! The relationship is still in its early stages. However, your man might feel generous and offer up cell phone number or pager. Be grateful!!! All I can say is BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! If I don't get a guys number the first time we speak I think something is going on. But I understand as some people don't have house phones anymore and I am one of them. But if I can't know where you live that is a warning sign slapping you in the face.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 7:47 PM | Permalink | 4 comments
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Come on home with me....
Back in the day when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore. But some days I sit and wish I was a kid again. --Ahmad

I was talking to my friend *DQ the other day and we were talking about stuff that we remember from when we were younger. Basically we were just showing our age big time. Well the purpose of this post is that I want all of ya'll to come on home with me. Now you have to remember that I am an 80s baby so somethings will only apply to one of us but some will apply to all. Come on home with me...

Remember when

--You had to be home before the street lights came on. Not when they came on but before!
--You knew you were finally "grown" when you got to wear your hair in a ponytail on the side. And you were allowed to grow out your bang.
--You finally got your own hair scarf and not just a pair of old panty hose to keep your hairdo "fresh". or maybe your had to be west indian for this
--You got welts on your legs from playing double dutch with a phone cord
--You have heard this said to you when getting your hair "pressed", I didn't burn you, that was the steam from the grease.
--You wore biker shorts under a skirt and just knew you were so cute. This is double if you ever did the "running man" with this on.
--You wore beads in your hair and nearly blinded yourself by swinging them wildly.
--When someone told you that they need space, that meant for you to move over.
--When the commercials on TV didn't advertise tampons and you had to figure out what the blue liquid was for when they flashed the pad commercials. now they all out and tell you about coochie itch cream during dinner
--You and two other friends would split one of those long 25 cent ices. yeah you had to cut it in three pieces but you got to find out who wasn't really liked because that person got the piece in the middle, no end.
--When you finally got in the house someone told you that you smelled like "street" or if you are West Indian you smelled "green" and you had no idea what they were talking about. downside is now you do-yuck!!
--The high light of the day was when the ice cream man rode through your block and you had a dollar to get the cone.
--You looked at block partied with mixed emotions. Because you knew that when the parties started summer was almost over but you got a reason to leave your own block.

I know that this might not apply to all but these were the gospel for me. If you have any of your own feel free to leave them. Don't worry I won't talk about you showing your age.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 3:41 PM | Permalink | 7 comments
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Sex or Love....

I was at Smartblkwoman's site and she was talking about open relationships and from some of the comments on her site led me to make this post.

I have been in open relationships before and as long as everyone is honest no one gets hurt. I think it works because everyone is one the same page and no one is left thinking that he or she is the one and only. There is no reason to lie about where you were or about why you were there. Everyone gets what they were looking for. Sometimes you get with someone who doesn't have the same sex drive as you and it would be better if this person went outside of the relationship with all parties knowing than to find out later that this person was cheating.

See to me open relationships make sense to me because I don't see sex as something that is all emotional. I see it as a physical urge that needs to be satisfied. Not much in difference than scratching that itch that you can't reach. The problem is when people allow sex or the pursuit of sex to change who they are. the problem starts when Jane starts to want more than Jack is willing to give. I'm not saying this doesn't or shouldn't happen but I just feel that Jane should be aware that Jackvdoesn't have to want she wants. Jack might be happy with the situation as it is. The problem is when Jane thinks that giving up some booty will make Jack love her and want to marry her. This almost never works out. Jack is happy for the ride and she needs to see that.

There is nothing wrong to me with having sex just because you enjoy it. But there is something wrong with thinking that someone will marry you just because you boke them off a piece. Don't get me wrong sharing your body and mind with someone is the ultimate sign of love and devotion. And I feel that doing that is the highest thing to ultimate happiness but that doesn't meant that the other person feels this way. Sex to some people is not no different than scratching an itch. Making love is something totally different.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 5:45 PM | Permalink | 2 comments