Thursday, July 27, 2006
New Look...
Hey ya'll I put up a new look last night and then forgot to post. I figure if I try to look more inviting, my entries will be more positive. Then I realized that I was just fooling myself. I'll probably be just as jaded and mean as before if only to make up for the fact that my site now look more cuddly. Besides *Beloved told me before that my site looked depressing and that my entries were also. So I figure that if it looks nice and cute then you won't feel bad when you leave my site. I post again when I have something else to grip about. I mean when I have something more meaningful to say.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 1:46 PM | Permalink | 8 comments
Saturday, July 22, 2006
I don't think what they did was so bad...

Look here

Now when I read this, my first instinct was to fall out laughing. Because I think those people deserved what the hell they got. I don't think that people who were robbed have any legs to stand one. But that is just my opinion. Now I'm not saying that the people should have been harmed but they should realized that what happened to them could have been a lot worse! I mean in other countries, they beat a child molester to damn near death. And I think we should do that here but then the people involved would have charges pressed against them. I do think that the police should jut offer them probation and a job helping them catch child molesters.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 1:55 PM | Permalink | 4 comments
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
I got this in email...
Waxing?...maybe not

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal-the epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and not the wax. My night began as any other normal weeknight. come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind fr the next feew hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So i headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your haand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or whatever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1,000 degrees. ("Cold wax, yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! Ok, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this, I told myself! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my underwear and place on foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip acroos the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my who-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself...RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blind from the pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay consious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe , breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.

Where's the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the tooilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...(remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?) I now need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!I hear the slamming of a cell door. Who-ha? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to pee. My head may pop off" What can I do to melt the wax?? Hot water!!

Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand in the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right?? WRONG!!!!!!! I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!! I call my friend, thining surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter: "So, my butt ans who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, " Are we talking cheeks or what?" She's laughing out loud by now.. I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's ight.

While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feel better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I;m pretty sure I;m going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace...the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's soooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...THE HAIR IS SITLL THERE.....ALL OF IT!!!!!!!! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg att his point. Next week I'm going to try hair color....
posted by JamaicanQueen at 5:55 PM | Permalink | 4 comments
Monday, July 10, 2006
Life Aint Fair...

I know that life isn't fair and all but it is just that life seems to want use me as the butt of its great joke. I started my internship today and it sucks major hairy linty ass. I have accepted that I will not be paid for this shit but damn if I don't get to class today and find out that just about everyone else in my class has an internship that is paid. I don't think this is fair at all. I asked the coordinator to set me up with an internship that would at least give me a small stipend. She told me that I should just take the one that was offered to me because they wanted me and they were a good company. So I took it in good faith. But now I am feeling a little bitter and angry that I am working for free.

It is bad enough with that but I have to dress professionally but I have no damn money. I am broke like a bad joke. To add insult to injury and this is a real injury, a piece of my filling came out. Where am I supposed to get money for that? I am just hoping that I don't get any pain until my next pay period which only happens to be in two weeks. *sob* This shit ain't fair. I work hard and don't complain when they take my taxes (let's be real I am in the tax bracket where they just take there money from me), I read my Bible, I even pray. I mean it isn't on hands and knees but I like to think that My Creator doesn't mind when we talk on the train, while cooking or any of my other duties. But that is something else. My thing is I think I deserve a break. I have gone through plenty of hardships for no good reason. I would really like to know what I am to learn from this. I am tired of struggling while others are just handed the simpler life. I look at friends and relatives who I would love to trade lives with just for a day so I can escape my stress and show them that to complain about having to wait on a bus instead of taking a cab is not real hardship.

I know that life isn't gonna be rosy and sweet and shit but I would just like to have a break in life. You know a positive one not one that involves me breaking a limb or something.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 9:04 PM | Permalink | 8 comments