Thursday, August 31, 2006

World`s Greatest Lover? Maybe not.

I shouldn't be looking at stuff like this when I am at work.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 3:17 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Thursday, August 24, 2006
How to eat sugar cane...
Do you remember reading the book "The Women of Brewster Place?" Well in the beginning of the book, Butch was telling Mattie Michael how to eat sugar cane. He basically told her that when you are eating it you have to chew it just long enough. Well it was more like he was telling her that she had to know when to stop chewing so she wouldn't end up with a mouthful of straw that does nothing more than irritate the roof of your mouth. He told her that she would have to stop chewing just before all the flavor was gone, right when you know that the last bite is gonna be the sweetest and it almost eludes you.

The purpose of this entry is not to talk about sugar cane. It is meant to make me and any other readers know when to let go. The above was only to make you think about how hard you try to hold on to something that is no longer working. Sometimes you work so hard at trying to keep something going because you think it makes sense but it really is just causing pain in the long run.

I have been giving a lot of thought to the way I have been holding on to things in my life that have been hurting or at least showing that they are going to start hurting me and I have been trying to figure out how I could change myself so that it wouldn't. I have come to realize that I need to stop worrying about making myself change to fit when no one and nothing is going to change to fit me.

I have to stop thinking about how I want things to work out when it will never be that way. I would like for everything to be rosy in my life but it is just not gonna happen. I would like for things to go smoothly but it doesn't work that way. I have held on the things and people in my life that have done nothing more than hurt my feelings continuously and damn it, it is my fault. I allow these people to stay and affect me.

I am seeing for the first time in a while that I let others determine my mood and that isn't right. Yesterday, *Beloved told me that I haven't been to same in about three weeks and I didn't even notice. I have been letting my internship, school, work, my son's father, my lack of success at finding another job, and lack of sleep get to me. I guess I do have a full plate but me walking around with it showing on my face isn't gonna stop it. All I can do it let go and let GOD.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 2:26 PM | Permalink | 4 comments
Monday, August 14, 2006
Random Thoughts of the Day....
Last night another one of my son’s teeth came out and I am so proud. I don’t know what to do with myself. But I think that is like two teeth in the past two months. I have no idea if that is normal or not. I hope no more of his teeth come out soon. He has had a mouth full of teeth for so long that it is a little weird for me to see him with little gaps in his mouth from missing teeth.

I have yet to actually sit down and write my thesis for English. I know what I want to write about but I have no idea how or where to start. I have the materials from the electronic databases, some web sites, but no actual books yet. I should go to the lending library and see what they have on the subject. The problem is I have no desire to go all the way to Harlem to get some of the materials. I know it is lazy but you have to understand that I hate going uptown. And I swear I wouldn’t if I didn’t have sandwiches (inside joke with *Beloved) in Parkchester. I live in Brooklyn and I only work in MidTown. I pisses me off to go even a block out my damn way.

I have been told that I might get a promotion to a lending library. I really don’t want to go because it is out of the way and the position means that I would have to deal with the public more often than I do now. And I barely deal with them. But the pay is a little better than what I am making now. Aw hell who am I kidding? The pay is a lot better than what I am making right now. What I make now isn’t even on a bracket. If I get the position I will be making in the mid 20s. Not that this amount is even enough to live like a slob in NYC. But factor in that I have a child, now I make just enough to live like a really broke, staving and no light having slob.

I swear life stinks. Especially now, it is summer and folks either can’t afford deodorant or no longer care that they don’t have it. The level of B.O. in the city is ridiculous. I wonder how these people can even stand around themselves. I would run away from me if I smelled like half of these people do.

Speaking of the city, what the hell is in the water? Every where I go I see women who are all knocked up! It is like it is an epidemic. I have never seen so many breeders in my life at any one time. And I was pregnant so I have been to a maternity ward and to the damn check ups every month. But I swear I see a new bunch of pregnant women every few feet. And I swear if they rub their pregnant cooties on me I am going to scream. I swear I am starting to think that pregnancy is contagious. Three women at my internship just confirmed pregnancies and a few at my job! I really hope that they are not spitting their pregnancy spores into the damn air. I am so not having it!

Well that is enough of my randomness for today.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 5:54 PM | Permalink | 3 comments
Saturday, August 12, 2006

Damn this man is putting women I know to damn shame, myself included.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 5:41 PM | Permalink | 3 comments
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
What you call me??

Why is my "friend" mad at me because I called her a Spic? Before you get upset with me blog world, this female continually greets me with "What's up my nigga?" Now when I told her that this was totally unacceptable, she told me that she was only using it as a greeting and so I shouldn't get upset. I told her that I was offended and she told me that I was just being sensitive. I don't think that I was being sensitive about her calling me a nigga. I am totally offended. I don't call anyone that and so I don't think that she should call me that. I can't stop her from using that horrible word but I felt that I should be able to ask her not to call me that.

Now I don't think that racial slurs are nice nor are they appropriate and most often when I tell someone that I don't like them calling me something that person will stop. So it was a surprise to me that she looked at me like I didn't know that the word had some how changed meaning and now means ace boon coon. Now I am not gonna lie, I call my sister *Big Sis on the phone and the first thing out of my mouth is "hey ugly". But she knows I love her and besides she started. My friend *DQ I call her a moo-cow all the time. Hell she calls me heifa. But when it comes to the racial slurs, I want to draw the line.

Really do you hear Indians (the ones from India) calling each other "Towelhead", white folks calling each other "Cracka-ass cracka", or Mexicans calling each other "Wetback"? The list can go on and on, but the answer is NO!!! But you will hear them call each other "nigga" or "nigger" like it is alright. Hell even the more adventurous ones will call a "friend", "nigga" if they think that they are close enough.

All I can say is that I am rather proud of myself because I didn't slap the brown out of her eyes. However, if she calls me that again I might not be so damn nice.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 8:28 PM | Permalink | 6 comments
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Stealing from Chele again...
Two for Tea.

Two Names You Go By:
1. But Mommy (by my Prince)
2. Heifa (Thanks DQ)

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. My co worker's jacket
2. A pair of Bebe jeans

Two Things You Would Want in a Relationship:
1. Respect
2. Honesty

Two Things You Want Really Badly At This Moment:
1. A nap
2. My own jacket, this one doesn't cover everything.

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. Does napping count?
2. Reading

Two pets you have had:
1. A hermit crab named Sabastian
2. A cat named Lightning

Two people who will fill this out:
1. No one
2 Not a damn clue

Two things you did last night:
1. Ate some Chinese food
2. Typed a paper

Two Favorite Places to eat:
1. Monster Sushi
2. Red Lobster

Two things you ate today:
1. Chicken
2. A Coke float - Coca-cola with vanilla ice cream

Two people you Last Talked To:
1. Some random patron asking me something. Don't they have nerve.
2. My co worker who was wondering why I have on her sweater.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 4:37 PM | Permalink | 3 comments
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Alright this time I am stealing from Chele...

Then and Now
10 years ago and now

1) How old were you?
Then: I was 15 almost 16 in two months.
Now: I am 25 and almost 26 in two months.

2) Where did you work?
Then: I didn't work. I was in high school.
Now: I work at the Library.

3) Where did you live?
Then: I lived at home with my Grandma in East New York.
Now: I live in Crown Heights.

4) How was your hairstyle?
Then: Most likely braids.
Now: I have locs.

5) Did you wear contacts?
Then: Nope.
Now: Nope.

6) Did you wear glasses?
Then: Occasionally.
Now: No.

7) Which of your pets were still alive?
Then: A cat named Tage.
Now: A ktten named Smokey.

8) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Then: Oh lord don't even make me think about that damn fool. This whole entry would get ugly.
Now: My Beloved. *Blush* Wow, I still have a boyfriend at my age. Oh well!

9) Who was your celebrity crush?
Then: Larenz Tate
Now: Larenz Tate

10) How many piercings did you have?
Then: Six. Three in each ear.
Now: Eight. Three in each ear. One in my tongue and a triangle piercing. *Check out this site and look for it.*

11) How many tattoos did you have?
Then: None
Now: I have five.

12) What was your favorite band/singer?
Then: I have no clue.
Now: It depends on my mood. Right now it is Me'Shelle Nedegochello.

13) Had you smoked a cigarette?
Then: Yes.
Now: Not in a while.

14) Had you gotten drunk?
Then: Nope.
Now: Yes. But not often.

15) What kind of car did you drive?
Then: I rode the iron horse.
Now: I ride the iron horse.

16) Looking back, are you where you thought you would be in 2006?
Then: I thought I would have had a happy family with the guy I was with. God I was young and stupid. We would have finished college and just now been working on our family.
Now: *Looking around* Well I have the kid. And I am getting my Associate's next month.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 6:04 PM | Permalink | 1 comments
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Someone left the heat on HELL....

How ya'll doing? I haven't written since I changed the place up but that is because in the good old NYC it is hotter than Satan's balls. I swear if I had a pair I know they would be sweating in all this damn heat. I have not idea what is going on. They say we have atleast on more day of this madness but I hate sweating. It is nasty and so damn unsanitary. I swear if one more person asks me if it is hot enough for me I am gonna lose what little bit of my religion I have left. It isn't even the dog days of August yet. I tell you this can't be right.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 5:59 PM | Permalink | 1 comments