Thursday, September 07, 2006
Lowered Expectations...
I get hurt very easily. I put up a brave front and try to make others think that I am tougher and harder and alot more callous than I am.

With *Dammitman, he used to be able to make me cry at the drop of a hat. The things he would say to me would make it hard to think that this was the same person who told me that he loved me for years. My expectations from him are that he tells me that he is going to do something for our son and I expect it. I expect him to behave like a human being and for some reason he disappoints me at every damn turn! I need to lower my expectations. At the end of the day when my son doesn't have school shoes no one will look for his father and say, "What the hell is his problem." They will look at my barefoot child and say that I am unfit. Not fair but it is the truth.

With my mother, I expected her to raise me and be there for me when I need it. What in the hell was I thinking? She had my grandmother raise me. And when I (used to) try to confront her on it she would tell me that I had a selective memory. I don't think so. To this day I remember bits and snatches of my mother being around. My grandmother always was there. I need to lower my expectations of what I wanted her to be and come to the realization that she was the type of mother that she was. And nothing in my bitterness will change that.

With my "friend" *Wagon-maker (he hates that name...all of a sudden, but I have called him that since we were 14), I expect him to behave like a friend. We have known each other since I was 13. We were just about as thick as thieves in high school. For some strange reason he now acts as if I am the one who is avoiding him when he doesn't call me and he has walked past me in the street. I am tired of being the only one who is "trying" to remain friends. Even though he goes through so much to tell me that he values our friendship. Yeah the hell right. He sure doesn't act like it.

Hell right now not even *Beloved is immune from this rant. He comes to my jobtoday and when he sees me he asks what is wrong I tell him that my head hurts. He says that he is going to see his friends and go to the movies. I ask him before he leaves if he can run out and get me something for my headache. He tells me that he has to meet up with his friends. I just had to walk away from him. Because I was just so gonna cuss him out. I need to lower my expectations of what I think a caring significant other does. I feel that since his friend is always late the one time that I ask him to do me a solid before he has to go somewhere (only because I couldn't get out of my job for another few hours) he shouldn't have minded. But what in the hell was I thinking? His friend will damn near trip over himself to get to his girlfriend for the simplest shit. I don't try to pull this with *Beloved. Not because I wouldn't get it (and I know that is what you are thinking *L) but because that is not my personality. I don't harass him when he is with his friends but his friend's border line psycho chick does. But damn if he (the friend) doesn't show more devotion to her. I guess I need to lower my exoectations of what I think shows that someone cares.

I know some may say that I shouldn't lower my standards for anything but when you are so used to having your feelings hurt because you expect the best out of people and they only give you the worst it kinda makes you jaded to everything. Maybe if I stop looking for the humanity in people and start paying attention to how people act and treat me instead of how they tell me they feel.
posted by JamaicanQueen at 5:40 PM | Permalink |


  • At Saturday, September 09, 2006 7:46:00 AM, Blogger chele

    I'm not going to tell you to lower your standards.


    I will say that people will disappoint you. And if you learn to expect that you won't be surprised when it happens. When they decide to come through it will be a pleasant surprise.

    I used to place high expectations on people and find myself with hurt feelings all the time. The only people that haven't disappointed me are ME and God. I take that back ... I've disappointed myself plenty of times.

  • At Saturday, September 09, 2006 10:41:00 PM, Blogger Stunner

    When it comes to people I guess you just have to hope for the best and expect the worse. And no matter what someone tells you, their actions speak louder that their words.

  • At Saturday, September 09, 2006 11:23:00 PM, Blogger Gela's Words

    Hey JQ, it's a bit of a challenge dealing with people but listen now. Certain people you don't expect much from, but Dear Beloved shouldn't be one of them. He's human so he'll disappoint you by his actions (or lack thereof in this case) and I'm sure the reverse is true. But in his case, it's not acceptable so I hope you expressed to him how you felt. If you just stay quiet and accept when he messes up, he'll continue. you have to let him know you deserve more.

    Cheer up.

  • At Tuesday, September 12, 2006 2:05:00 AM, Blogger SmartBlkWoman

    I don't have a boyfriend right now in large part because I don't have the energy to deal with anything other than the crap that I already have on my plate. There is no one to dissappoint me, thus no reason to lower my expectations.

    Be strong. You shouldn't lower your expections or become a whiny chick like the other lady to get some attention. Beloved probably didn't even understand how upset you were were unless you told him later on.

    I say, you shouldn't lower your expectations for one, but try to be reasonable with what you can expect from them so that you don't end up dissappointed.

  • At Tuesday, September 12, 2006 9:41:00 PM, Blogger Gela's Words

    Gyal, nuh lower yu standards yah. Yu name JamaicanQueen. Him need to step up man. Siddung and chat and let him know yu expectation.

  • At Thursday, September 14, 2006 8:11:00 PM, Blogger Leon

    Hey, could be worse. At least you have people around who care about you, despite the fact that they hurt you sometimes. Hi. The name's Leon. Nice to meet you.

  • At Friday, September 15, 2006 10:35:00 PM, Blogger BajanQueen

    I agree with gela's word!

    She is correct your name is not forget!!

    Keep ya head up things always have a way of working out in the end!


  • At Saturday, September 16, 2006 10:24:00 AM, Blogger JamaicanQueen

    Chele--Well G-d has made me feel so much better this past week. I was slowly watching my life crash around me but he showed me that all I needed was a bit of faith and patience. Something I was never really good at.

    Stunner--I need to start paying attention to what people are doing around me not just what they say they will do.

    Gela--I know I should sit with him and talk about it but I figure he'll read this and get the point.

    SBW--I know I shouldn't have compared myself to *WhinyChick but I couldn't help it. I was feeling really crabby. lol

    Leon--Thanks for the words, but I realized along time ago that as long as I love me, it doesn't matter who doesn't. And baby I LOVE ME SOME ME!!!

    Bajan--So yu nuh dead yet??

  • At Tuesday, September 19, 2006 10:03:00 PM, Blogger BajanQueen

    No mi nuh dead yet!!!! LOL!

    This heart is still beating!


  • At Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:46:00 AM, Blogger POPS

    interesting topic. i'm sure i've disappointed a few and not expectations before. but aren't we all human. and someting in the back of my mind leads me to believe that he just may care for more than his friends cares for his chick. but hey, i'm just a random vistor so maybe he is wack.

  • At Wednesday, September 20, 2006 1:41:00 PM, Blogger Curlycurvynervy

    I've been checking by here for a while, and always am impressed by your depth and wisdom. Those two traits are evident, as well as your caring nature. You are a lot like myself, I can be tough on outside, but 'rare' on the inside..
    Keep your head up, and don't compromise your own integrity to settle for foolishness from others. Respect yourself, and come straight up to your man and let him know that he need to come correct! You bust your azz, and you deserve to get that in return!
    Congrats on the new job, and amazing GPA!